The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll was a best-of book culled from everything published in Vice Magazine from its inception in 1994 up until 2003. The original manuscript was discovered amidst a verdant glade in a glowing golden box. The first men to gaze upon it had their faces melted off by its brilliance. It rocketed to the tops of best-seller lists and dollar bins. It has been bequeathed in wills from parents to children. It has supplanted Dianetics as the must-have spiritual tome of Hollywood, California. It is truly the book of the ages.

But all of that is total bullshit compared to the tidal wave of press and accolades that will engulf all of us when we bringeth forth upon the world the second book of greatest hits from Vice Magazine. It is to be called News, Nudity & Nonsense, and will contain enough “wow”-filled reading material to power you through at least a year’s worth of defecations from its inevitable home atop the back of your toilet.